Ill Do You Like My Homework

You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.

Jedi Mind Trick: "This is the geek you're looking for." waves hand

You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life

With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth.

Hey I am like a Rubik's cube the more you play with me the harder I get!

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Battlestar Gallactica marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.

I'm definitely in the range of your hotspot. How about you let me connect and get full access.

Your name is insert name here? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

"Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy."

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

Want to see my Red Hat?

If I was a robot and you were one 2 if I lost a nut would you give me a screw

My ex-girlfriend is like the square root of -1,.... she's imaginary.

My Creeper gets excited when it sees how hot you look.(Minecraft)

I wish I was your calculus homework, because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk.

If you were my homework Id do you all over my desk

If you where a sheep I would clone you

Are you from pennsylvania cause i want to stick my pen in ur sylvania

You must be a summoner, cause I can feel a powerful creature rising... in my pants!

Is there a magnet in here cuz baby I'm attracted to You.

Walk by a girl and say "Are you looking at me? And if she says no say "Damn!"

You had me at your impeccable spelling and correct use of grammar.

I know that 70% of the human body is composed of H2O, but the tall drink of water I'm looking at is probably 97%.

A woman has 209 bones in her body do you want me to give you another one?

Are you from Mars beucase your ass is out of this world

hey girl do you play Minecraft? Because if you do I sure wanna play creative with you!

I'm not skinny, I'm ribbed for your her pleasure

Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place.

I used to be able to recite the English alphabet till we met, now I can't get past u

I would flirt with you, but I'd rather seduce you with my awkwardness

Am I a break-dancing robot? (Why?) 'cause you turn me on

Are you Darth Vader, because I wouldn't mind if you used a little force to choke me.

Are you my favorite book, cause when I think about you I touch my shelf.

Are your parents retarded cause girl your special

If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago

Wanna have a bath with me.. you can play with my rubber dickie....

I can turn your software into hardware

Are you a microprocessor or are you etching to see me

It must be the civil war, cause I wanna bang you like a salvation drum.

Its not the length of the vector that counts, its how you apply the force.

Civil War style: C'mon, baby, let's go back to my place and I will load your musket with my ramrod.

Damn girl, I must be reading a book because you are FINE print.

I need a babysitter tonight cas my parents aren't going to be home..Interested?

You look so good, it's like you have a permanent photoshop filter on or something

Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.

Here is my libary card, because im checking you out.

70 percent of the human body is made up of water and im very thirsty.

Hey (say their name), I know this is not a chat room but my lips want to chat with yours.

Are you gonna kiss me or do i have to lie to my diary?

You're so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear

Am I the piece? that finishes your puzzle

"Do you like computers?" (yes.) "Do you like file sharing?" (yes) "Good, 'cause I'm downloadable and user friendly!"

Tell me of this thing you humans call  short dramatic pause love.

If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.

You must've been made by Intel to be that hot!

"My name is Khan, please sit and entertain me."

Hope you got a big trunk, cause im putting my bike in it.

Baby, if you were a booger i'd pick you first

If you think chewbaccas hairy just wait till you see my wookie

Baby, I couldn't help but take judicial notice of how fine you're looking tonight

hey baby, cum to butt-head

You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.

I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

Baby i'll treat you like my hw- I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long

It doesn't take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!

If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?

Baby, you're so gneiss I'll never take you for granite.

Hey baby, I'm like a rubix cube. THe more you play with me, the harder I get.

You have 206 bones in your body... want one more?

I love you like an unspoken metaphor. That's why I had to use a simile.

Baby, you're like a pendulum... you'll only stop when I damp you

Is their wifi in hear because I feel a strong connection

I wish we were in telophase, cause then I could admire your cleavage."

You're cute, I'm cute, together we're 2cute!

If I was a Facebook Status, would you like me?

If I toss a fair coin, what are my chances of getting head?

Are you a video game, cause I think your my Destiny.

My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it's only good in theory.

Why don't you remove those barriers to imports? It will ease my inflation and the benefits will trickle down.

Why it's not a good ideal to pick up dates online?
Because you can receive a virus.

submissons by: faust.campbell, texa$$, Aramseyshadowcat, cameronanderson, peytonawsome1130, jedinoah824, chasewebb20180, brendagail8580, victorysplogi, cgstrider.dave, istayonfire6times, projetevancraft, Detnchris14

Joke Generators:

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Do you wanna go campin? Cause I'm pitchin a tent

I'm not a photographer.....but I can picture us together.

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

Good thing I Brought a map, because I just got Lost in your Eyes.

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

Excuse me, I've lost my phone number - dya think I could have yours.

"Is your name homework? 'Cause I'm not doing you, but I should be."

I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

I'm gay but you might just turn me straight.

Girl if you come to my house on Black Friday, all clothes will be 100 percent off.

I'm not staring at your boobs, I'm staring at your heart.

If I was your heart would you let me beat?

I hope you're not a vegetarian... cuz I want to feed you some meat!

I had a dream about you lastnight... I dreamt you were a suitcase and I was packing you

If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town

I like your hair, can I pull it from behind?

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

You are a lightbulb because you just lit up my day

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?

Is your name Summer cuz you are hot!

Are you a light switch? Cause I want to turn you on!

Do you parents give you chores, cause your on my to-do list.

A penny for your thoughts.... A dollar if you flash me

I don't have a library card....but can I check u out?

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

Do you beleive in Exorcism? [after they answer] Cuz you've got me posessed!

Your like an energy drink, I need you to keep going

You have monkey wrench eyes, everytime i look into them my nuts tighten

Excuse me but is this a one person boat because I would rock with you all night long!

Is there grass on your field? Because i want to play ball!!

Hey, I'm failing sex-ed, wanna tutor me?

Your like a casino, you've got so many slots I don't know which one to play with.

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

Do you want to see something swell?

What's your favorite silverware?..because I like to spoon!

Is that a tic-tac in your blouse or are you just glad to see me?

If you were a pole I would dance all over you.

Honey, you give new meaning to the definition of 'edible'

Hey, how did you do that? [What?] Look so good?

"Can I even get a fake number?"

Excuse me, you dropped something over there. My jaw.

Te Quiero

Are you THE MATRIX, casue I'M THE ONE.

"I'd buy you a drink, but I'd be jealous of the glass."

Damn girl are you sick (wait for answer) "no" cause you making me blue

Are you my boss? Cause you've been making me work all day

Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

Hey you, Get off of my mind. Because I dont like thinking dirty thoughts.

Girl you look so good I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of yall

Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.

Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

I lost my virginity... can I have yours?

Here is my libary card, because im checking you out

Hey honey! How are the kids? (What are you talking about?) oH! i must be seeing the future!!!

I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".

I have an F, a C, and a K. All I need is U.

Hey babe ,I am a pirate and I want to take that booty home.

Are you on the drumline? Because I want to play with your stick

Do you have a quarter? I need to call your dad and thank him. I forgot on my way out this morining.

I see theres a fire in your pants and im from the fire department and am willing to put it out with my hose?

Wanna play with my submarine? It's long hard and full of seamen!

Your too beautiful for words.

Are your lips water?...because I'm feeling a bit dehydrated...

Do you have a name, or do angels just have pretty faces?

Walk up to her holding a quarter and say " I'll bet you this quarter I can kiss you without touching you" Then kiss her and give her the quarter and say I lost..

Are you a unicorn cause your my fantasy

I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say, "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."

You are the hottest thing since sunburn.

Baby your so hot I need an oven mit just to touch You

Your so sexy you make Paris Hilton look like a teletubbie

walk up to the person and hand them 50 cents, and say "Call your parents...ask them if you can stay out til 3:00 AM"

Hey baby wanna see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow

Do you have a cigarette (she says no) then say i dont really want one i just wanted to talk to you

Hey you wanna go to the movies? you know eat some popcorn...have some sex

I think you dropped something... my jaw..

Am I in heavin cause baby you just made my heart stop

Is that a ladder in between your legs or is that the stair way to heaven

[Walk up a girl and say] Do you like my ship.....its long hard and full of seamen?

Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!

It may look like a needle, but baby it works like a sowing machine!

Did it hurt? When you fell from the sky and into my heart.

My zipper is broke....... ..... .. . . Wanna fix it?

Skiing pickup line: I'll lipslide your box if you tailslide my rail.

I just got my sheets clean. Want to help me make them dirty.

They say apples don't fall far from the tree, so that must mean your mom's hot too

What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

You know sometimes I still feel like a little kid wanting to be a hero for a book just so I could sweep someone as beautiful as you off their feet

Hey, Are you a church person, If so lets go and make it heavenly

"Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?"

I may not be able to knock bottom, but I'll scrape the shit out of the sides!

Turn it down a bit!!! Im sweatin cuz of u!

you walk by a girl and say are you looking at me. And if she says no say damn

(walk up to somebody and start hitting them with your hand, or fist) *I'm hitting on you.

Do you need some nicotine cause your body's smokin!

you're like a dictionary you put meaning in my life

Hi I'm (name) and no i dont plan on being this ugly for the rest of my life.

Hey, im new in town, witch way to your house?

My body is telling me yes. I hope yours is doing the same thing.

You must be a pirate, because you can swash my buckle any day.

Women always say men think with their dick so why don't you blow my mind!

Do you see my friend over there? (point to a friend) well, he/she wants to know if you think IM cute.

Every girl has a right to be cute, and girl, you prove that

Are you naked,[No]Oh sorry it's just my imagination

This is supposed to be a pick up line but, I own a FORD so....

You have a minute [no] I have two you can borrow one

Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.

Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.

my dad always told me to go after what i wanted. It just so happens, that tonight thats you.

Hey a blind guy could tell your a cutie cuz your soo hot that you heat up the room

(if you saw a pretty girl at a rummage sale then go up to her and say: Hey I didn't know this was yummage sale!

Your so sweet, your givin me cavaties

Put a dollar bill on her head and she asks what you did that for tell her its all you can eat for under a dollar

Looks like Mr. Right didnt show, can i take his place?

Damn Girl!! You've got more curves than a back country road.

When I saw the sun today I thought it was the hottest thing, till I saw you.

My two favorite letters of the alpabet E Z.

Hey baby, do you have a cell phone? [if yes,] well you should use it to call your parents and let them know you won't be coming home tonight.

Hey, do you know if there's a pool nearby, because you're making me hot.

Go up to a biker chick and say: do u want some real horse power between your legs

My hands are cold. So, why don't you come over so i can put them some place warm.

Are you a private eye? Because it seems like you're watching me.

Do you know where the nearest insane assylum is? Because baby, without you I'm going crazy.

At closing time find a person alone and just simply walk up to them and politely ask.. So do you wanna fuck or what? (at that point in the night what do you have to lose?)

I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickel


Guy: You owe me money
Girl: for what?
Guy: because you have been living in my heart without paying rent<

Boy: My eyes turn (insert your eye color here) when I'm with the person I love.
Girl: I've only ever seen you with (insert eye color here) eyes.
Boy: Well then...

Boy:"I'm gonna have to call 911 on You"
Girl:" WHY!"
Boy:" cuz u have committed a crime"
Boy:" when u sat on that GOR-GE-OUS ass of yours"

submissons by: ryssa143, AlishaGrauso, kimmyk_12, tembachakoregis, mooshiawesome, Monkeydragon4, AEUBANKS672, epicpeep9, justicesamulski, eeclark514, jaynestracy

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